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I always love reading over these each week. There are a lot of funny comments posted on them. Enjoy the read.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_yl...rankings040510
1. New York Yankees (103-59) – Yankees confirm organizational policy against all extensions, meaning Swisher’s long-haired girlfriends have to go, too.
2. Boston Red Sox (95-67) – Lowell appreciates that Sox are trying to trade him, but honestly feels the sandwich board is a little much, and it’s chafing his neck.
3. Philadelphia Phillies (93-69) – Werth shears beard, startled to find Victorino had been in there for three weeks.
4. Tampa Bay Rays (84-78) – SI says top GM is Friedman, who concedes a better GM would have gotten Rays out of AL East by now.
5. Los Angeles Angels (97-65) – Matsui shatters owner’s windshield with foul ball, will work off cost doing odd jobs around Angel Stadium.
6. Atlanta Braves (86-76) – In his final season, Cox attributes longevity to the regular half days he’s been granted by his pals the umpires.
7. St. Louis Cardinals (91-71) – McGwire gets weepy, admits he wishes he never coached in the testing era.
8. Los Angeles Dodgers (95-67) – Judge hands down custody decision – Frank McCourt to get Manny on weekends and every other holiday.
9. Colorado Rockies (92-70) – Rox hoping road to playoffs lacks recent dramas; Street closures daunting.
10. Seattle Mariners (85-77) – Wakamatsu breaks down roster, has good Milton in left field, bad Milton at DH, Kanye Milton on national anthem.
11. Minnesota Twins (87-76) – Minnesotans joyous over Mauer contract, still not sure what to make of $340 cups of Bud Light.
12. Texas Rangers (87-75) – Rangers could use a right-handed hitter, are considering Mike Lowell, wishes he’d lose the sandwich board.
13. Chicago White Sox (79-83) – Reinsdorf would love for organization to win another championship. In meantime, would be satisfied if it refrained from bursting into flames.
14. San Francisco Giants (88-74) – When Operation Panda fails, Giants stock clubhouse fridge with bamboo shoots, various foliage.
15. Chicago Cubs (83-78) – Piniella steadfastly refuses to Tweet. Not, however, averse to the occasional low groan.
16. Detroit Tigers (86-77) – Tigers open season with nine games against Royals and Indians or, as they’re calling it, the inside lane on the stagger start.
17. Milwaukee Brewers (80-82) – Sculptor delays unveiling of bronze statue, says it’s hard making Selig appear realistically stiff.
18. Arizona Diamondbacks (70-92) – Haren gets opening day start and jump on side bet with Reynolds – hundred bucks to guy with most strikeouts at end of season.
19. Florida Marlins (87-75) – Admonished for hording revenue sharing money, Marlins admit they do sleep better on less lumpy mattress.
20. Cincinnati Reds (78-84) – Thirsty for effective starting pitching, Dusty considers taking Leake.
21. Oakland A’s (75-87) – Braden contracts staph infection, Geren instinctively quarantines him from rest of pitchers, figures position players OK.
22. Baltimore Orioles (64-98) – Wieters refuses to recognize Sabathia name alteration, says, as God, he can part C’s if he wants to.
23. New York Mets (70-92) – Club denies it is “babying” Reyes, says twice-a-night feedings, weekly baths apply to everyone.
24. San Diego Padres (75-87) – John Moores admits, Frank McCourt has been fantastic for me!
25. Cleveland Indians (65-97) – Looks like another long summer in Cleveland. In other news, Indians not so good.
26. Toronto Blue Jays (75-87) – Borrowing from Olympics, Jays pass on “Own the Podium,” seize on “Rent the Basement.”
27. Houston Astros (74-88) – Astros working on ways to keep Pedro Feliz’s bat in lineup. Season officially over.
28. Pittsburgh Pirates (62-99) – Bucs finish last in Grapefruit League. Does that count as 18 consecutive losing seasons, or are we still on 17?
29. Washington Nationals (59-103) – Obama to throw out first pitch Monday, reserves right to throw out next 90, too.
30. Kansas City Royals (65-97) – Royals say they’re in on realignment, eyeing Pacific Coast League.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news;_yl...rankings040510
1. New York Yankees (103-59) – Yankees confirm organizational policy against all extensions, meaning Swisher’s long-haired girlfriends have to go, too.
2. Boston Red Sox (95-67) – Lowell appreciates that Sox are trying to trade him, but honestly feels the sandwich board is a little much, and it’s chafing his neck.
3. Philadelphia Phillies (93-69) – Werth shears beard, startled to find Victorino had been in there for three weeks.
4. Tampa Bay Rays (84-78) – SI says top GM is Friedman, who concedes a better GM would have gotten Rays out of AL East by now.
5. Los Angeles Angels (97-65) – Matsui shatters owner’s windshield with foul ball, will work off cost doing odd jobs around Angel Stadium.
6. Atlanta Braves (86-76) – In his final season, Cox attributes longevity to the regular half days he’s been granted by his pals the umpires.
7. St. Louis Cardinals (91-71) – McGwire gets weepy, admits he wishes he never coached in the testing era.
8. Los Angeles Dodgers (95-67) – Judge hands down custody decision – Frank McCourt to get Manny on weekends and every other holiday.
9. Colorado Rockies (92-70) – Rox hoping road to playoffs lacks recent dramas; Street closures daunting.
10. Seattle Mariners (85-77) – Wakamatsu breaks down roster, has good Milton in left field, bad Milton at DH, Kanye Milton on national anthem.
11. Minnesota Twins (87-76) – Minnesotans joyous over Mauer contract, still not sure what to make of $340 cups of Bud Light.
12. Texas Rangers (87-75) – Rangers could use a right-handed hitter, are considering Mike Lowell, wishes he’d lose the sandwich board.
13. Chicago White Sox (79-83) – Reinsdorf would love for organization to win another championship. In meantime, would be satisfied if it refrained from bursting into flames.
14. San Francisco Giants (88-74) – When Operation Panda fails, Giants stock clubhouse fridge with bamboo shoots, various foliage.
15. Chicago Cubs (83-78) – Piniella steadfastly refuses to Tweet. Not, however, averse to the occasional low groan.
16. Detroit Tigers (86-77) – Tigers open season with nine games against Royals and Indians or, as they’re calling it, the inside lane on the stagger start.
17. Milwaukee Brewers (80-82) – Sculptor delays unveiling of bronze statue, says it’s hard making Selig appear realistically stiff.
18. Arizona Diamondbacks (70-92) – Haren gets opening day start and jump on side bet with Reynolds – hundred bucks to guy with most strikeouts at end of season.
19. Florida Marlins (87-75) – Admonished for hording revenue sharing money, Marlins admit they do sleep better on less lumpy mattress.
20. Cincinnati Reds (78-84) – Thirsty for effective starting pitching, Dusty considers taking Leake.
21. Oakland A’s (75-87) – Braden contracts staph infection, Geren instinctively quarantines him from rest of pitchers, figures position players OK.
22. Baltimore Orioles (64-98) – Wieters refuses to recognize Sabathia name alteration, says, as God, he can part C’s if he wants to.
23. New York Mets (70-92) – Club denies it is “babying” Reyes, says twice-a-night feedings, weekly baths apply to everyone.
24. San Diego Padres (75-87) – John Moores admits, Frank McCourt has been fantastic for me!
25. Cleveland Indians (65-97) – Looks like another long summer in Cleveland. In other news, Indians not so good.
26. Toronto Blue Jays (75-87) – Borrowing from Olympics, Jays pass on “Own the Podium,” seize on “Rent the Basement.”
27. Houston Astros (74-88) – Astros working on ways to keep Pedro Feliz’s bat in lineup. Season officially over.
28. Pittsburgh Pirates (62-99) – Bucs finish last in Grapefruit League. Does that count as 18 consecutive losing seasons, or are we still on 17?
29. Washington Nationals (59-103) – Obama to throw out first pitch Monday, reserves right to throw out next 90, too.
30. Kansas City Royals (65-97) – Royals say they’re in on realignment, eyeing Pacific Coast League.
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