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Parallel lines have so much in common.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
What do you call a dog with no legs.
It doesn't matter; it's not going to come.
Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.
You have my Word.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.
Even the cake was in tiers.
We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
Runs in our jeans.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar.
The bartender gave it to her.
Want to hear a word I just made up?
Plagiarism.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey.
And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
Someone stole my mood ring,
I don't know how I feel about that.
I tried to catch fog yesterday,
Mist.
The first rule of Alzheimer's club,
Is don't talk about chess club.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
It's a shame they'll never meet.
Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.
What do you call a dog with no legs.
It doesn't matter; it's not going to come.
Someone stole my Microsoft Office and they're gonna pay.
You have my Word.
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
. I went to a really emotional wedding the other day.
Even the cake was in tiers.
We have a genetic predisposition for diarrhea.
Runs in our jeans.
A physicist sees a young man about to jump off the Empire State Building.
He yells "Don't do it! You have so much potential!"
A hot blonde orders a double entendre at the bar.
The bartender gave it to her.
Want to hear a word I just made up?
Plagiarism.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
What did the pirate say when he turned 80?
Aye Matey.
And the Lord said unto John, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life"
But John came fifth, and won a toaster.
Someone stole my mood ring,
I don't know how I feel about that.
I tried to catch fog yesterday,
Mist.
The first rule of Alzheimer's club,
Is don't talk about chess club.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She looked surprised.
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